This blog post is split into two parts and discusses the emotional and psychological disorientation that many expats and internationals experience after moving abroad. This is part of an identity transition – a process of rediscovering who you are becoming between cultures.
Living Abroad and Identity (Part Two)
By Kathrin Humphrey
If the first months or years abroad shake the foundations of who you are, the next phase often brings a
quieter question: How do I live meaningfully here?
After the initial disorientation fades, many expats and international families begin looking for more than
survival — they long for connection, authenticity, and a renewed sense of self that fits their current life
in Austria.
Beyond the Shock: When Adaptation Becomes Everyday Life
At some point, you stop getting lost on public transport. You can order your morning coffee in German and follow the rhythm of Viennese life. Outwardly, you’ve adjusted.
Yet inwardly, something may still feel slightly “off.” You might sense a split between the part of you that manages daily life here and the deeper self that feels muted or uncertain.
This is a natural phase in the adaptation process — not a sign of failure, but a signal that something more meaningful is asking for attention. When the practical challenges of expat life ease, the existential ones often come to the surface.
The Subtle Grief of Letting Go
Moving abroad involves invisible losses: familiar roles, effortless communication, shared humor, even a sense of being “known” without explanation.
In Austria, the cultural rhythm — from the way neighbors greet each other to how workplaces handle hierarchy — can amplify this sense of difference. You may find yourself grieving not just people or places, but versions of yourself that no longer seem to fit.
Naming these small losses is essential. Only when we acknowledge what’s gone can we begin to see what new parts of us are waiting to grow.
Growth in Translation: Becoming Someone New
As identity evolves, many internationals discover that living abroad doesn’t erase who they were — it stretches them. You begin to hold multiple perspectives, to see your culture of origin from the outside, and to question long-held assumptions.
This is part of the creative act of becoming. Rather than clinging to a single definition of “who I am,” you begin shaping a self that feels more fluid — one that adapts without losing its integrity.
This might mean redefining what success looks like, setting new boundaries, or allowing yourself to express emotions in ways that fit both cultures. It’s not about being less “you,” but about becoming a more complete version of yourself.
Language, Emotion, and the Self
Many expats describe feeling like a slightly different person in another language. In German, perhaps more formal or restrained; in English, more spontaneous and expressive. This experience can be confusing, but it’s also revealing. Each language opens access to different emotional worlds and parts of identity. Over time, some find that bilingual life offers a richer palette for expression — even if it takes effort to find words that feel authentic.
Recognizing this can ease self-judgment. You are not “less yourself” when speaking another language — you are exploring another facet of who you are.
Reclaiming Meaning and Connection
When the world around you no longer mirrors who you are, the task is to reconnect with meaning from within. This often leads to questions like:
- What do I want my life here to stand for?
- Which relationships or values help me feel grounded?
- What might belonging look like if I stopped trying to fit in perfectly?
These reflections invite a gentler, more compassionate way of relating to yourself — one that honors both your roots and your growth.
Becoming at Home in the In-Between
Ultimately, belonging abroad may not mean feeling “fully local.” For many expats, it’s about becoming at ease in the in-between — rooted in yourself, yet open to what your new life offers.
You don’t need to choose between your cultures, languages, or ways of being. You can learn to weave them together — slowly, intentionally — into a life that feels authentic and whole.
So, if you sometimes feel like you live between worlds, remember: you are not lost in translation. You are becoming multilingual in identity — learning to belong in a way that is uniquely your own.
This blog post was written by VFN Member Kathrin Humphrey. Kathrin Humphrey is a counselor working with English-speaking internationals (individuals and couples) in Vienna, a coach supporting scientists, and also a student of psychotherapy. After living in different countries on four continents, she moved to Austria in 2013 a bit reluctantly and started to feel at home here, in no small part to the great people she met through the VFN.
www.kathrinhumphrey.com
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